I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
