we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
