life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
