Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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