Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
