I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
