How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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