i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
