"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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