So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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