I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
