Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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