I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
