the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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