So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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