If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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