Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We need to rekindle our bromance
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
