How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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