I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
