I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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