he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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