I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize