this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
