Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
