I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
