so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
