Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is Oprah even human
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
