we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
