Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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