I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
