So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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