i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
