I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
