YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
