I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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