and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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