omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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