I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
