So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize