What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
