Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize