TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
