i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
