She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
