you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
