1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
