do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We had sex on a dog bed..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
