therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
