She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
