Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
