Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
