She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
