Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize