I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
