I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
