OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
