Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
