I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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