If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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