I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
