During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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