Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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