how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
