dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
