Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
