she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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