I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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