roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
