...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
