just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
