Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize