I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
