What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
