too bad you live with your parents still
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
