What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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