Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
