There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
