I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
