Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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