i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize