I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
