I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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