How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
