if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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