So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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