I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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