my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
