Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
