three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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