i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
