yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
