Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
