Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
