Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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