that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize