420 ftw
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
