I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
