Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
