genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
