I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So much rum. So many feels.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
