your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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