he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
