Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
