she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
