i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
