I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
