It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
