when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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