dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
