you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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