You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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