my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
