I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
