Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize