I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
