Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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