worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can't trust your balls anymore.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
