I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
