So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
