As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The best revenge is premature balding
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
