My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
