I am puke
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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