when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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