the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
