Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
