we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
