porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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