did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
