If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
