Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
